Continue to encourage his support of differing religions and LGBTQ+ persons, and be sure to also explore his feelings about women and girls-not merely as potential romantic partners or crushes, but as fellow human beings who are his equals. Talk to him about the uprisings taking place and how racial inequities and injustice brought them into fruition. Take the time to communicate with your brother on a regular basis and include discussion of these issues in your time together (either virtual or face-to-face). My Mother Is Accusing Me of “Keeping” Her Grandkids From Her He said the same things two weeks later (I probed to find out if he’d answer the same, and he did), and we had the same discussion (with the same results, headstand included). So I reminded him of all his other friends who are all different colors and asked him how he’d feel if someone said he was the wrong color (he was standing on his head by this point, so I didn’t get a response). I pushed him on it gently, and he couldn’t articulate further what he meant or where that idea came from. She is the lightest-skinned child in his class. I asked why this student was his friend, and he said because she was the “right” color. I asked once not long after that unit which of his friends were in his class, and he named one student. I’m not sure whether skin color was addressed in the unit. They did a unit in preschool where they talked about hair and eye color, and he’s the lone blond, blue-eyed kid in his class (possibly his grade). Until his brother started at his in-home day care, he was the only white child there as well. My older son is in a preschool where he’s the only white child. If soccer was a lifelong passion until this moment, that’s a little different, but otherwise, it’s OK for her to walk away. Encourage her to keep going with the sport, but don’t force it if she simply has lost her passion between the bullying, the academic challenges, and the loss of social interaction, I don’t think you should be overly concerned about keeping her in a space that has brought her great disappointment right now. If that is impossible right now, find other hobbies and interests that she can explore from home-photography, baking, learning a foreign language-that she may find more gratifying than soccer. Under normal circumstances, it may be easier to allow her to explore other extracurricular activities. If you are able to get her to see someone, either virtually or in person, now is absolutely the time to do so. Most children have seen a devastating change in their home, social, and academic lives due to the pandemic, and your daughter is experiencing that in addition to a significant list of preexisting challenges. You say you have a therapist on hand “if necessary”? Well, “necessary” has arrived, and it’s time to pull the lever. I’m not suggesting that you push the process of trying to have a child back by years, but that you give yourself adequate time to rest, recharge, and adjust to life after a doctoral program before introducing pregnancy or adoption into the mix right away. Consider that you may need a little more time between the completion of your studies and the birth of a baby than you’d anticipated. You’re in the last leg of a busy, likely difficult academic journey, and it may have been a better idea to wait until after graduation to bring in a new member of the family, human or otherwise. I wouldn’t assume that your challenges with the dog suggest that you should reconsider kids, so much that they may make it clear that this period in your life is too stressful to add on new significant responsibilities. Is this a red flag that I should reconsider having kids? I do love the puppy and feel a strong bond with him, but I would rather have the time to myself. I am fortunate that my husband has done most of the training because I do not have the patience for it. I try to smile and act upbeat when it’s my turn to take him outside or when he wants to play, but I honestly do not enjoy it. On the other hand, the puppy is a major cause of stress and anxiety to me.
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